Envy

Alex Jibleanu, a 10a B

 

Seeing people happy all the time, makes me jealous,

My heart beating less, makes me a little careless,

About stuff that’s going on, seeing love on social feed,

As my heart starts to care, even though I don’t wanna care a bit,

Burning in my emotions, feeling only anger and a lot more envy,

Thought I would find true love around nineteen or twenty,

Looking at people being with other people, smiling much,

Then there’s me, alone at a table enjoying my new lunch,

Kinda see if I will I get there, holding someone in my hands,

To cook for someone, to hold them or even think of some plans,

Getting attached too quickly, getting real hurt by them after,

While they’re seeing me alone at a table, dying of laughter,

Writing all my emotions stopped to work, when love arrived,

Want back the ”heartless” me, but I really wished he survived,

”Tell me how you are?”, ”Tell me how you doing’ ‘How you are?”

Me just being a little down, sad I don’t hit some girls bar,

You know, I am under every girls’ expectations, below limits,

Instead, I take some of my time, to put to their own minutes,

They don’t know every mean thing they say kinda does, you know, hurt?

While you try to detach yourself from them, they again pull you and start to flirt,

Starting to think that this ”love” thing is really something not for me,

I don’t know, it’s something that only I can’t actually see,

Closing my eyes, relaxing on my bed as I start falling in an endless abyss,

Falling through my memories, my problems, thinking who I ought to miss,

Thinking of my parents, my dad, my mom, even my little sister,

Thinking of all my ex’s, even my newest crush, will I miss her?

Seeing only darkness as the cold around me was hugging me tight,

Never got a hug from someone else, this actually feels alright,

I embrace the feeling of no one around, of being forever alone,

At least my heart and soul are still here; I only cracked a bone.